Personal Story: Managing impostor syndrome.
Feeling like an imposter? People at the top do too. Former Olympic pole vaulter and highly successful tech entrepreneur Simon Arkell shares his personal experience.
Simon Arkell is a former Olympic pole vaulter for Australia and now a highly successful tech entrepreneur living in California. Despite his many achievements in both sport and business, he has grappled with feeling like an imposter throughout his life. He shares what it feels like to carry the weight of so much personal pressure and how he is learning to let himself off the hook.
When I was going through the ranks as a pole vaulter in Australia I was not a talented athlete, and I was in a sport in Australia where the standard was really low. I realised as I got better - through just training hard - that if I wanted to succeed, I had to go to the US. I came to the States with a huge chip on my shoulder, no money and I didn’t really know anyone. The general opinion where I came from was that there was no way it was ever gonna happen for me. But in 1992 I qualified and made the Olympic team, and I was the first Australian to do so in 16 years. I did it because I had the fear of failure.
Feeling like a fraud
When I got to the Olympics I didn’t know many of the Australian athletes and I felt like I was in no man’s land. Being in the Olympic Village was the hardest and loneliest thing of all. I was competing in the Olympic games but I felt like a total fraud and that I didn’t deserve to be there.
There’s this myopic focus that you have as an athlete, right from when you’re a kid with stars in your eyes. You go through your career and maybe you get to that point where you can compete on the world stage but regardless of whether you win or lose, eventually it’s over and then who are you and what do you do as a result of that?
As a top athlete, sports psychology is provided to you but that’s all about helping you to win - none of that prepares you for who you are after the Olympic games. It can be a massive anticlimax but also very depressing. For me, there was no process, no resources, no one there to support athletes doing the loneliest thing you can ever do.
Sharing your story
Hearing JK talk about his experiences, it made me feel good to know that other people had gone through similar things. He talked about how he felt really attached to everything, and how he had felt like an imposter even when he was competing at the highest level. It really resonated.
When I look at people who are really successful, I don’t think of them as struggling in any way. I think it looks easy. But for me, everything I’ve ever done has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Everything has seemed so difficult at the time and as though I’ve had to try twice as hard as everyone else.
Over the years I’ve done a lot of public speaking and it can be brutal for people in this mindset. The fact that you could stand up in front of hundreds or thousands of people and expect them to be interested in you is really counter intuitive. I’ve come to realise that it’s about owning your own story and realising that you are the expert of that. You can also help people by sharing your story, because someone might recognise something in it and can benefit from it. I believe there’s strength in numbers.
Knowing the signs
When things get hard it’s like everything is amplified. Anything else that’s not perfect starts to stand out. I’ll find myself waking up at 2am and am not able to get back to sleep, and then I’ll be exhausted the next day. Instead of having a glass of wine it becomes a bottle. In my work I’ll find myself being less patient than I could be.
The skill is being able to identify it effectively so you can intervene. JK talked about switching the phone off, getting present in the moment, and really enjoying the coffee because it’s good coffee. I’ve been trying to do that too and to be much more present in the moment.
Finding strategies
I only have my kids half the time and I know that when I go for a week without seeing them it can really affect me. I feel way more sensitive and prone to being down during that time. At the moment, I’m trying to learn new ways of still enjoying things even when they’re not around. That’s something I’m consistently working on.
Other things that help are not drinking during the week, eating well and exercising. I love to go mountain biking or hiking and I try to get outdoors as much as is humanly possible. Spending time with my family and stepping away from work is important too. I try to not work late at night or on the weekends. I've tried to be much more present in the moment. When I have my kids here I don’t let anything get in the way of that because it’s such precious time.
For anyone who is focussed on achieving something, it’s easy to block out the rest of the world. Sometimes you have to put 100% focus on one thing but that can be very isolating so it’s about finding that balance again at some point, allowing yourself to enjoy your life and finding ways to add value. In the end, what is really important is your relationships, your health and your contribution.
