How to deal with difficult family members
Try these strategies to help you cope with challenging family get togethers
We all know the old saying, you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family.
Just because we belong to the same clan as someone, doesn’t mean we automatically get along. For many people dealing with a difficult family member is a challenging but unavoidable part of life.
Being exposed to someone who is frequently negative, critical or unkind, however, can, over time, start to diminish your own sense of wellbeing. This can be especially hard when the person in question is a family member.
Not only do we share complex and intimate bonds with our relatives, but we may be obliged to spend more time with them than we’d otherwise choose.
If you have a family member whose negativity is starting to impact on you then it helps to have some strategies at the ready that can make the experience more manageable.
1.
First off, it’s worth thinking about whether the negative behaviour is a new thing? Irritability, hostility and hopelessness can be signs of depression. It may be that this person is having a difficult time and needs some help.
That doesn’t mean that you have to be the person to step in and support them, someone else may be better placed to do that, but it can be worth checking whether there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
2.
If it’s a longstanding problem then it’s a matter of accepting that that’s just the way this person is. Recognise that you can’t control their behaviour and instead focus on how you can look after yourself.
3.
Be kind to yourself. Families can be tricky and when we can’t avoid difficult get togethers, it’s a question of getting through them without becoming overwhelmed.
4.
Recognise and avoid trigger topics if you can. There may be certain topics that you know cause disagreements. Try to steer clear of these altogether or tread carefully if they are raised.
5.
If the conversation becomes heated take some deep breaths and centre yourself to avoid becoming confrontational. If you can, take a break and step outside. Do something physical like stretching or take a walk around the block. As you walk, take time to really notice the things around you. These little techniques are calming and can stop you getting caught up in the drama and upset of it all.
6.
It can also be helpful to plan your exit strategy in advance. That way, if things get too much you can leave without spending any mental energy planning your exit on the spot.
7.
Know that it’s not about you. If it’s an issue that comes up a lot then you may be able to recognise the patterns that take place and the way the conversations play out.
8.
Afterwards, try to call a friend or loved one and debrief on the way home. It’s good to talk and be reminded of the people that care about you and you actually enjoy spending time with.
If the relationship is ultimately too difficult or too taxing on your wellbeing then you may need to turn down the next invite and give yourself a break. It’s okay to say no to a situation that is going to cause you emotional distress.
