How to support friends and family
Strategies to help you support friends and family experiencing mental ill health.
Friends and relatives are precious. And just like us, they can experience their share of ups and downs.
When people you care about are experiencing mental health challenges, it’s natural to want to help. But knowing exactly how can be tricky.
What if you say the wrong thing and upset them more?
The below tips* are designed to help you navigate sensitive conversations next time you lend an ear to a loved one.
*If you feel their problems require serious and/or immediate attention, please encourage them to contact a mental health professional.
1. Make sure you’re in the right headspace
If you don’t feel strong enough or capable of holding space for a loved one right now, it’s OK to move the conversation to another time or to suggest they speak to someone else who is in a better frame of mind.
You must be present in the conversation and truly listen, or you might do more damage. So pay attention to your energy levels and capacity for hearing – and ask for help if you need it.
2. Actively listen
Giving people the chance to talk about what's on their mind is a gift. You don't need to have all the answers! Instead, listening is a way of showing others they matter and that you're there for them.
Try to let them do most of the talking, and don't feel you have to offer advice or solutions (unless they ask for your help). Simply saying things like 'I hear you or 'that must be difficult' is extremely valuable to someone feeling vulnerable.
3. Reassure
Reassure people that sharing what's going on for them is not a burden for you. People often resist discussing their issues or state of mind because they don't want to add to your load. Explain that you want to listen to what they have to say. Remind them that they are sharing in a safe space and that what you discuss together wouldn't go beyond the room/your conversation.
Reassure often and make it clear that you can handle what they share with you. It's also essential to be accepting and not judgemental of what they tell you.
4. Help them take action
It's not up to you to solve their problems, make everything better, or have any answers, but you can help them take the next step – whatever that may be.
They need to make a choice about the type of action they want to take (if any at all). Still, you could help them discover their options, offer to be there when they call to make an appointment, or even drive them to and from an appointment.
5. Keep checking in
Sometimes one conversation isn't enough, or they might say they're going to get help but don't. When people are distressed, they feel frozen and find it difficult to move forward.
Keep checking in with them and mentally prepare that it may take some time. It's important to not feel frustrated or impatient that they haven't taken action to help their situation/feelings.
6. Look after you
Being there for loved ones experiencing mental health challenges can be hard, so ensure you prioritize time to refill your own tank and do things you enjoy.
Remind yourself that looking after you will benefit the friend or family member you're helping. You'll be in a better headspace to listen and support them without resentment or annoyance creeping in.