Self-kindness and the brain

Studies show self-kindness is great for happiness, resilience, and much more.

Did you know self-kindness – also known as self-compassion – has incredible benefits for your wellbeing?

Research shows being kind to yourself:

• Release oxytocin, one of your brain’s feel-good hormones

• Increases feelings of happiness and optimism

• Builds resilience and the ability to bounce back from stress

• Helps with letting go of disappointment

• Makes it easier to move on to new challenges

Self-criticism creates a very different reaction in the brain. When we're too hard on ourselves, the amygdala – our brain's 'lookout' – may perceive this as a threat and release stress hormones. Harsh self-criticism can also trigger our brain's fight-or-flight response.

Research shows spending too much time in fight or flight is detrimental to our wellbeing and can even lead to chronic stress or burnout. Self-kindness is a powerful way to dial down our fight-or-flight response and rewire our brains for optimism.

So, what exactly is self-kindness?

Self-kindness is often confused with a 'good vibes only' mentality. You might think it means to 'just be positive' or to tell yourself positive things in the mirror. Self-kindness is actually about self-acceptance – the ability to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and feel good about both. It's about accepting yourself as you are and knowing that it's normal to make mistakes.

Powerful self-kindness practices include:

●  Reframing mistakes as learning experiences

●  Celebrating personal accomplishments

●  Speaking to yourself as you would a friend

●  Noticing the little things in life

●  Prioritizing sleep, diet, and exercise

●  Making time for things you enjoy

How to be kinder to yourself

Self-kindness is more than patting yourself on the back or making time for lots of self-care – though these things are important, too!

One of the world's leading self-compassion researchers, Dr. Kristin Neff, has identified three main elements of self-kindness.

1. Replace judgment with empathy

Our brains quickly jump to judgment when something goes wrong or is complicated. Instead of jumping to conclusions, practice empathy. Remind yourself, 'you're only human,' and ask yourself what you can learn from this experience. Steer your thoughts away from thinking, "I'm stupid" or "I never get things right."

2. Acknowledge our shared humanity

Everyone makes mistakes, faces challenges, and struggles with self-doubt and low self-esteem from time to time. You're not alone, and nobody is perfect.

3. Try to avoid over-identifying with emotions

When we're struggling with something, it's incredible how quickly our brain can jump from "I failed at this" to "I'm a failure." Dr. Kristen Neff refers to this as over-identification. She suggests observing thoughts from a non-judgmental perspective and detaching your identity from the behavior.

You can read more about Dr. Kristen Neff's research around self-compassion at her website, self-compassion.org.