The Groov guide to better boundaries
Having healthy boundaries is so important for wellbeing.
When you have healthy boundaries, you’re more likely to:
Have better relationships at work and home
Notice improvements in mood and overall life satisfaction
Have more energy and time for things you enjoy
Enjoy higher levels of self-esteem and self-efficacy
Prioritize self-care such as sleep, movement, and nutrition
Feel more resilient in times of stress or hardship
So, what counts as a healthy boundary? And how can you create better boundaries in your personal and professional life? This Groov guide is for you!
What are healthy boundaries?
Healthy boundaries are protective, says Groov VP Clinical Dr. Fiona Crichton.
“Creating healthy boundaries is about setting limits in relationships to protect your values and your wellbeing,” she explains.
For example, suppose one of your values is family time. In that case, you might set a limit to protect Sunday afternoons so you're available to your loved ones.
Boundaries also help to manage other people’s expectations of you and your time.
"Having clear boundaries operates as guidance for others about how you want to be treated, and what is acceptable or not acceptable for you," adds Dr. Fiona.
Different types of boundaries
There are many different types of boundaries. Here are Dr. Fiona's five most important types of boundaries for wellbeing.
1. Physical
Physical boundaries are about protecting your personal space, your body, your right to privacy, and your right not to be touched or to be touched in a way that feels comfortable.
An example of setting a physical boundary might be, "I'm not a hugger, but happy with a high five."
2. Emotional
Emotional boundaries provide the ability to witness other people’s emotions without adopting them yourself or taking responsibility to react to, fix, or solve them.
An example of an emotional boundary might be, "I hear you're annoyed about the direction the business is taking, but I'm excited."
3. Mental
Mental boundaries are about having the freedom to have your own thoughts, values, and opinions.
So you might say, "I see it differently, here's what I believe."
4. Material
Material boundaries protect your right to decide how you spend your money, your right to be paid by your employer as agreed, and the right not to give away or lend your money or possessions if you don't wish to.
You might say, "Happy to help in other ways, but I don't lend money to family or friends."
5. Time
Time boundaries protect how you spend your time. They prevent you from agreeing to do things you don't want to do, help with work/life balance, and allow you to timebox activities in a way that works for you.
An example of a time boundary might be, "I'll come for the first half an hour, but I need an early night so I'm going to head home at 7:30.”
How to set healthy boundaries
According to Dr. Fiona, there are three components to effectively setting healthy boundaries: self-awareness, assertiveness, and clarity.
Be self-aware
For self-awareness, you need to be able to tap into your own values and preferences.
What’s important to you?
What situations make you comfortable or uncomfortable?
What do you expect from yourself and others?
What do you need to protect your energy, sense of self, and wellbeing?
Be assertive
Assertiveness is about advocating for the things that matter to you. This may feel difficult.
Are there things that stop you from articulating the things you need?
Do you tend to say yes to things when you'd rather say no because you want to please others
Are you worried about judgment or rejection?
Or do you simply not feel entitled?
These are common feelings – they can be particularly strong if, in childhood, expressing needs or wants was viewed as selfish or wrong.
To be assertive, you need to express your needs openly and respectfully. It's not a question. It's a statement of fact – "this is what I need to feel valued and to protect my wellbeing."
If stating your needs triggers uncomfortable feelings or fears, that’s OK. Accept the discomfort – it will pass.
Be clear
Finally, you need to be able to express your boundaries clearly. People are not mind readers and may not pick up on subtle signs that things make you uncomfortable. You can't presume that people will work out your limits.
So be as clear and straightforward as possible. Communicate your boundaries in writing or practice saying them out loud before you share them with others.
What to do when someone pushes back
Not everyone will understand or respect your boundaries. Honoring your limits in these situations can feel uncomfortable. Here are some tips to help you hold steady.
Remember that boundaries are self-care
It's better to honor your boundaries than to feel resentful toward others
You’re entitled to protect your own time and energy
Boundaries are personal to you. There's no need to explain your rationale if you don't want to
Boundaries at work
Work boundaries have different challenges. In work situations, it can be helpful to focus on what you can control.
You might not be able to control your hours of work, place of work, or role title. But can you weave pockets of deep breathing, stretching, or quiet time into your working day to protect your energy?
Another example is putting boundaries around your personal life when you're off the clock. For example, can you switch off work notifications on weekends and evenings?
Boundaries at work require some flexibility and compromise but start with what you can control and go from there.
Remember, boundaries are a gift.
If you remember just one thing from this Groov guide: boundaries are a gift!
Boundaries are a gift to yourself because they allow you to thrive
They are a gift to others because they enable relationships to be sustainable and authentic
And they are a gift to the world because the world needs you to show up as your best self