Voices of Mentemia: Shantelle Thompson on showing up for herself
Hear what this warrior, world champion and Mum has learnt about facing hard truths, recognising her own limits and putting her mental wellbeing first.
Shantelle Thompson is a warrior, a world champion and a Mum.
She is a proud First Nations woman who comes from the Barkindji and Ngiyampaa people and has European ancestry. She is committed to raising up those in her community and championing the rights of First Nations people.
She is an elite Jiu-Jitsu athlete and a member of the Australian wrestling team. And she is a mother of three (soon to be four) young kids.
It’s a lot for one person to carry, and it has taken a mixture of courage and calling to make it happen.
But while her determination to affect positive change might be powerful, Shantelle has had to face some hard truths too. Namely, that it’s not possible to show up for others, if you don’t also show up for yourself.
Some days, she says, that part is still a work in progress.
Channeling her inner strength came early to Shantelle.
A difficult upbringing, including childhood trauma, meant that she grew up knowing how to fight for her own survival.
“Courage is my ancestral memory, it’s my ancestral strength, it’s my superpower,” she explains. “Looking back, I think it’s something that has always been with me. When a situation becomes too much, and I can see it not only bearing down on me but on the people I love, I have to do something.
“I’m the type of person who will knock on the door once or twice, and if it doesn’t open, I’ll just kick it in. Either the whole door has to be reconstructed or it leaves an archway for others to walk through.”
Shantelle Thompson for My Australian Dream by Jalaru, 2020.
The challenge for Shantelle has been knowing how to draw the boundaries between what she can do for others and protecting her own self and spirit too.
“I’m a person with a big heart and I’ve always been one to take care of others. I’ve always wanted to matter. Sometimes I become overly attached to people or situations or I’ll show up in a way that others don’t reciprocate. When that happens to me it’s really heartbreaking and it becomes a big burden.”
To be able to stay on her mission without getting burnout, Shantelle has had to recognise where she meets her limits.
“For me, it’s been realising that I can’t be and do everything for everyone. I want to help individuals feel empowered, enabled and aware enough to make the changes they need to make. But it’s up to them to show up and do the work. You can support them, but you can’t do it for them. I’ve had to recognise that you can’t serve everyone - and that you also have to serve yourself.”
NAIDOC 2019 Sportsperson of the Year via NAIDOC, 2019.
So what does serving herself mean to Shantelle? It starts with noticing when she’s not doing it.
“Often I’ll feel it physiologically first - mainly because those are the easiest signs to recognise. The body has its own intelligence.
“So it's sitting with that feeling and saying, ‘I’m not able to show up in these spaces because I'm not taking the time I need for myself to be well’. I could show up, but I’d be empty and what’s the power and the impact when I show up empty?”
But for someone so determined, making the decision to step back is not always easy. In those moments, Shantelle says she needs to reconnect with her priorities.
“I’ll try to take out the ego and expectations and say, ‘What’s my bottom line? What has to happen to keep a roof over my family’s head?’ but also, ‘What do I feel like I’m being called to do?’ It’s about looking at those two realities and deciding what matters.
“We have to remember that when we’re saying yes to something, we’re also saying no to something else. For me it was listening to that internal responsibility and recognising when I was abandoning myself in order to please others.”
In practice, giving herself the space to recharge comes down to some simple daily habits.
Her martial arts practice, going for early morning walks by the river but also pressing pause on life and turning inwards sometimes.
Via her official Instagram, 2021.
“I try to make consistent time to sit and check in with myself and say, ‘Where am I at in this moment?’ Sometimes I’ll use that opportunity to accept and surrender to things as they are - as opposed to what I want them to be.
“One thing that I don’t do, but that I'm yearning to do more of is, be more playful in life. Not everything needs to be deep and heavy and meaningful. I tend to lean into that space more naturally, but I’m learning a lot from my children about how I want to be.”
Shantelle hopes that her children will learn an important lesson from her too: To value themselves and their needs, by seeing it role-modelled by their mother.
“I wasn’t setting a good example for my kids by trying to be everyone else’s saviour. I want them to know that you do the best that you can with what you have and you show up. I hope they’ll have the strength to live life on their own terms.”
Via Shantelle Thompson.