Tips for handling difficult conversations at work
Learn how to navigate tough conversations in the workplace.
Difficult conversations at work can be confronting – but they can also help you to work more effectively with your colleagues and managers.
When approached with care and mutual respect, tough conversations often lead to better outcomes for everyone involved.
So, how do you navigate these conversations without causing more harm than good?
Whether you’re initiating a tough conversation or on the receiving end of one, here are some tips to help you communicate clearly and respectfully.
Set an intention
Ask yourself: What would you like to achieve from the interaction? What does ‘success’ look like?
A good goal to aim for is everyone leaving the conversation feeling clear about what was discussed and certain about some ways to move forward.
It’s useful to focus on solutions, rather than dwelling on problems. Looking ahead and making a plan together can help to unite everyone.
If you’re the one initiating the conversation, make it clear that you have the best interests of everyone in mind and that you’re looking to find a helpful solution.
If you’re on the receiving end of a tough conversation, ask what you can do to help reach an agreeable conclusion.
Practice active listening
Active listening is when you actively focus on what the other person is saying, rather than on your own thoughts.
The concept may sound simple, but it can take some practice. It’s natural for your mind to wander when other people are talking – but if you become distracted during tough conversations, you might lose some perspective.
So try to pay attention. Also, show you are paying attention with your body language or what you say (nodding, saying ‘yes’ or ‘I see’, etc). And try to understand where the other person is coming from, without judging.
Make an effort to listen carefully to their viewpoints and acknowledge how they feel. Show an interest in what they are telling you, even if it’s difficult to hear.
Prepare (if you can!)
Hopefully, you will have some advance warning if a tough conversation is going to take place. Use this time to prepare as best you can.
Make a note of what you’d like to talk about
Role play with a friend or family member. This gives you a chance to practice how the interaction might play out, and also allows for feedback
Prepare some suggestions. Try to move the conversation towards solutions, instead of focusing on problems
Get into a calm, grounded headspace. Consider ‘letting out’ your emotions to a friend or family member ahead of the conversation. Having a vent to someone you trust might help you to avoid doing so in a professional context. Maybe try some deep breathing exercises
Prepare yourself for difficulty. Accept that it might not be easy or go as planned, but acknowledge that it is an important stepping stone to a better work environment
If a tough conversation catches you by surprise, respectfully ask if you can make an appointment to discuss the topic in the future. This will give you some time to prepare.
Focus on the facts
Avoid launching personal attacks, judgement, or blame on the other person.
Try to focus on the facts and take equal responsibility for your part in the situation.
Questions such as ‘What can I do to help?’ or ‘What would make things better for you?’ could be helpful.
Stay cool, calm and collected
Be mindful of speaking in a calm manner. If you begin to feel anxious or heated, try to slow down the pace of the conversation or take a few minutes to gather yourself.
Generally, no one responds well to confrontation, so it’s also important that you don’t come across as patronising, dismissive or bulldozing to the other person.
Show compassion
Approach sensitive topics with care and empathy. Speak to the other person in a way that you’d want to be spoken to – with compassion, kindness and consideration.
Focus on how you can offer constructive feedback. Be objective and share how they might improve by suggesting solutions and alternatives.
Don’t take everything to heart
It’s hard not to take things personally sometimes, especially during a tough discussion.
But, it’s important to create distance between yourself and your reactions – try to avoid reacting emotionally as an initial response.
Focus on the true facts, rather than getting swept up in the other person’s reaction.
Be flexible and open to change
Remember, it’s a two-way conversation – you can’t go into the interaction with an inflexible and uncompromising attitude.
There may be certain aspects that you’ll need to change or adapt to for improvement, so it’s good to be flexible.
Find a happy medium
It’s important that both parties leave the conversation feeling heard.
Coming up with solutions and agreeing on actions and outcomes is a good way of aligning expectations and purpose.
End on a high
At the close of the conversation, thank the other person for their time and acknowledge the positive outcomes of the meeting – summarise what the agreed solutions are, what improvements will be made, etc.
This will give them the assurance that you’ve taken the conversation seriously and have considered their perspective and points of view.