How to walk the self-kindness talk
Highlights from our webinar with mental health changemaker Pete Ekstedt.
What does the term self-kindness mean to you?
For Pete Ekstedt, self-kindness is “about having some compassion and respect for myself as an absolutely normal, flawed human being”.
Pete continues: “I know I’ve got strengths, I’m pleased to apply those, and I know I’ve got things I’m not great at, things I’m working on, and things I’m not even planning to get great at. Self-kindness is about recognising that I need support systems, networks, relationships, structures, and tools around me, and allowing myself to access them.”
Pete Ekstedt is an advocate and changemaker who wears several hats in the mental health space. He’s a counsellor, executive coach, sessional teaching academic within Deakin University’s School of Psychology, and National Implementation Director for Suicide Prevention and Mental Health Programs at Movember. He recently joined Groov’s Dr Fiona Crichton for a customer-exclusive webinar about self-kindness in the workplace.
The duo covered a lot of ground in this engaging webinar, including:
What we can learn from high-performance athletes about self-kindness and self-care
How to be your own cheerleader and talk to yourself as you would a friend
Why Pete thinks worrying is “the world’s most popular hobby” – and how to worry less
The epic mission behind the Movember movement and how you can support this cause
Watch the full live chat here
What we can learn about self-kindness from high-performance athletes
Pete believes we can learn a thing or two from how high-performance athletes approach self-kindness.
“Sports psychologists coach good athletes not to engage in that kind of negative self-talk because we know it’s not helpful. We know it doesn’t aid performance,” says Pete.
“What’s really interesting to me is that people who are in professions, who are entrepreneurs, who are in leadership roles, actually have those same performance pressures and face many of those same challenges.”
Pete encourages leaders to think about what they want to model to the rest of the business.
“Do you want to model that kind of negative self-talk, or is it in fact your duty to model a different way of being?”
How to be your own cheerleader and talk to yourself as you would a friend
Pete shares a strategy he uses frequently in his private counselling sessions.
“One of those magic questions I use often in therapy is ‘if you had a really good friend who had this dilemma, what advice do you have for them’? It’s amazing how often people know what the next step is going to be. They’ve got a special category for themselves, where it has to be perfect rather than good enough. When they think about a friend, they are generous, compassionate,” explains Pete.
Next time you’re berating yourself or feeling stuck, consider what you’d say to a friend in the same position.
Dr Fiona adds: “What we need to do is take a step back and say, What would a good friend say? How can we be our own cheerleader here?”
Read more: How to be kind to yourself at work
Why Pete thinks worrying is ‘the world’s most popular hobby’
Pete is concerned about how much time people spend worrying instead of enjoying their lives.
He poses the question: “When is the right time to start suffering over a problem, over a mistake?”
“That kind of habitual worry, driven by perfectionism, is often pre-suffering. Most of the things we worry about don’t happen.”
He suggests using a worrying thought as a prompt to take or plan action, rather than as the starting point for a whole string of follow up worries.
The epic mission behind the Movember movement
Movember is the world’s biggest men’s health charity.
“We’re out to change the face of men’s health with three real impact areas which are prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and mental health and suicide prevention,” explains Pete.
“We really exist so that men will live happier, healthier, longer lives.”
The month of November – Movember – is the charity’s biggest fundraising and awareness month. People are encouraged to grow a moustache (if they’re able), host a ‘mo-ment’, or move for Movember. You can also donate straight to the cause via Pete’s Mo Space.
Thanks Pete and Fiona for an epic webinar!