How to be kind to yourself at work
Discover ways to be kinder to yourself in the workplace and reap the benefits for your wellbeing.
Imagine this: you’re running late to a meeting because of circumstances beyond your control.
Are you more likely to tell yourself “it’s OK, these things happen” or “I’m terrible at time management”? Do you choose self-kindness or put yourself down?
If you’re more likely to put yourself down, you’re not alone. Everyone experiences negative self-talk. Our brains are actually wired for negativity – this negativity bias helps to keep us safe.
“We’re wired to notice things that present a threat so we can keep ourselves alive,” explains Groov VP Clinical Dr Fiona Crichton.
“That means we’re more attuned to the negative things – like criticism.”
Our inner critic will always be present, but there are things we can do to make it quieter and stop it from eroding our self-worth. Self-kindness is a great place to start.
The science of self-kindness
Studies show self-kindness has incredible benefits for your wellbeing. Being kind to yourself triggers the release of oxytocin (one of your brain’s feel-good hormones), increases feelings of happiness and optimism, builds resilience and helps you bounce back from stress.
Self-criticism creates a very different reaction in the brain. When we’re too hard on ourselves, the amygdala – our brain’s ‘lookout’ – may perceive this as a threat and release stress hormones. Harsh self-criticism can also trigger our brain’s fight or flight response.
Research shows spending too much time in fight or flight is detrimental to our wellbeing and can even lead to chronic stress or burnout. Self-kindness is a powerful way to dial down our fight or flight response and rewire our brain for optimism.
What exactly is self-kindness?
One of the world’s leading self-compassion researchers, Dr Kristen Neff, has identified three main elements of self-kindness:
1. Replace judgement with empathy. When something goes wrong or is difficult, our brains can be quick to judge. Instead, practice empathy. Remind yourself ‘you’re only human’ and ask yourself what you can learn from this experience, instead of jumping to judgemental thoughts such as I never get things right.
2. Acknowledge our common humanity. Everyone makes mistakes, faces challenges, and struggles with self-doubt and low self-esteem from time to time. You’re not alone and nobody is perfect.
3. Try not to over-identify with emotions. When we’re struggling with something, it’s amazing how quickly our brain can jump from I failed at this to I’m a failure. Dr Kristen Neff refers to this as over-identification. She suggests observing thoughts from a non-judgemental perspective and detaching your identity from the behaviour.
Self-kindness in the workplace
Practising self-kindness in the workplace can help you feel better about yourself, your job, and the people around you. It’s a powerful way to remind yourself we’re all human and we’re all doing the best we can.
Here are some practical ways to practice self-kindness at work.
Reframe mistakes as learning experiences
Celebrate personal accomplishments
Speak to yourself as you would a friend
Notice small good things about your work
Take microbreaks throughout the day to breathe and just be
Set boundaries to protect your time and energy
Ask for help when you need it
If in doubt, remember self-kindness is about allowing yourself to be human. It’s the ability to recognise your strengths and weaknesses and feel good about both. Know that it’s normal to make mistakes – doing so is often a gift and an opportunity to learn.